Snuggle in, sweetie. It's cold out there.
Why is it snowing, Grandma?
Where does it come from?
Oh, that's a long story, sweetheart.
- I wanna hear. - Oh, not tonight. Go to sleep.
I'm not sleepy. Tell me, please?
Well, all right.
Let's see.
I guess it would have to start with scissors.
Scissors?
Well, there are all kinds of scissors.
And once there was even a man who had scissors for hands.
- A man? - Yes.
Hands-scissors?
No. Scissorhands.
You know the mansion on top of the mountain?
It's haunted.
Well...
a long time ago...
an inventor lived in that mansion.
He made many things, I suppose.
[ Grandma ] He also created a man.
He gave him insides...
a heart, a brain, everything.
Well, almost everything.
You see, the inventor was very old.
He died before he got to finish the man he invented...
so the man was left by himself...
incomplete and all alone.
[ Girl ] He didn't have a name?
[ Grandma ] Of course he had a name.
His name was Edward.
- [ Dogs Barking ] - [ Mower Blades Whirring ]
[ Hammering ]
[ Vacuum Cleaner Whirring ]
- [ Doorbell Rings ] - [ Vacuum Shuts Off]
- Avon calling! - Weren't you just here?
No! Not since last season.
Today I've come to show you our exquisite new line of softer colors...
in shadows, blushes and lipstick.
Everything you need to accent and highlight your changing look.
My changing look. That's good. [ Laughs ]
Well, it goes without saying that I also have a complete selection of your old favorites...
those tried-and-true products we've all come to depend on year-in and year-out.
Come on, Peg. I never buy anything from you. You know that.
- I know. Bye, Helen. - Bye.
You didn't have to call, ma'am. You could have taken care of this by yourself.
I could? I don't think so.
Yeah, it's easy. Your food trap's clogged. That's all.
- You see this bulb here? You just unscrew this. - Mm-hmm.
And out she pops.
On TV they say you repairmen are lonely. Housewives get lonely too.
Although you may not realize it, since they haven't made a commercial on the subject.
Then you just take this and put it back in here nice and easy.
Be careful not to force it, because it fits in there by itself.
- And then you just screw this back on. - [ Doorbell Rings ]
Oh, now, who could that be? Will you excuse me for a moment?
Now, don't go anywhere. I'll be right back.
This is fascinatin'. I wouldn't want to miss a moment of it. [ Giggles ]
Good morning, Joyce. Avon calling.
Why, Peg, have you gone blind?
Can't you see there's a vehicle in my driveway?
- Oh. Yes. - I'm surprised you don't realize that means I'm busy.
[ Peg ] Now, we should decide on lipsticks.
Okay, dear, what one did you like best?
There was the Winsome Wahini, which looked charming on you, or the Bahimini Bliss.
- I like 'em both. - Well, great!
You don't actually think I have any money, do you?
♪♪ [ Organ ]
♪♪ [ Girl #1 Singing ]
[ Girl #2 Giggles ]
It's just not my day.
[ Sighs ]
[ Engine Starts ]
- [ Engine Off ] - [ Emergency Brake Sets ]
[ Whispers ] Oh, my goodness.
Oh, it's so beautiful.
Hello?
[ Hinges Creaking ]
Hello! Avon calling!
Oh, my.
- [ Snipping ] - Hello?
Hello?
Hello. I'm Peg Boggs.
I'm your local Avon representative. Hello?
I-I'm sorry to barge in like this...
but you don't have any reason to be afraid.
Oh! This is some huge house, isn't it?
Thank goodness for those aerobics... classes.
[ Snipping, Faint ]
Hello? Hello!
Why are you hiding back there?
You don't have to hide from me.
I'm Peg Boggs. I'm your local Avon representative.
And I'm as harmless as cherryp...
Oh, my. I can see that I've disturbed you.
How stupid of me. I-I'll just be going now.
Don't go.
Oh, my.
What happened to you?
- I'm not finished. - Oh!
Put those down. Don't come any closer. Just, please...
Those are your hands?
Those are your hands.
What happened to you?
Where are your parents?
Um, your mother?
Your father?
He didn't wake up.
Are you alone? Do you live up here all by yourself?
What happened to your face? Hmm.
No, I won't hurt you.
But at the very least...
let me give you a good astringent.
This will help to prevent infection.
What's your name?
Edward.
Edward?
I think you should just come home with me.
[ Chattering, Squealing ]
- [ Gasps ] - [ Screams ]
- I'm... I'm sorry. - No, no, don't be. You go ahead and look.
You have every reason to be excited.
Ohh! You okay?
You okay?
- [ Phone Ringing ] - [ TV: Announcer] On Who's Counting?
- And here's the host of Who's Counting... - Hello.
Hi. Yeah, it's Marge.
I was standing outside talking to Carol, and Peg drove by, and she had somebody in the car.
- Did you get a good look at him? - No, I didn't.
- Did she say anything to you about having a guest? - She didn't say anything to me.
- She rang my doorbell at the crack of dawn this morning. - No.
Okay, I'll meet you on the corner. Right. Bye.
- [ Busy Signal ] - Oh, damn!
Here we go, dear. This is our house.
You can just go right in and make yourself at home. Okay?
We'll have something to eat or drink or whatever you...
Here, dear. This is the front door here. Here we go. Right in here.
Joyce, I just saw this strange guy driving with Peg.
I didn't get a very good look at him. He looked kinda pale.
Don't do anything without me. Okay, bye.
Yes! Be right there!
[ Barking, Yapping ]
Here we are.
So, um, this is the living room.
Back here are the bedrooms.
You want to see the pictures. All right.
Well, this is my husband, Bill.
He's a bowling champion. Do you know what bowling is?
Bowling?
Well, here they are down at the lake, fishing.
I think Kevin looks a little glum because they didn't catch anything that day.
And, um, here's my daughter, Kim...
all dressed for the junior prom.
She's a senior now, if you can believe it.
She's camping in the mountains with some friends, but she'll be back in a few days.
You can meet her then.
Isn't she beautiful?
That's my family.
Come along, dear, and I'll show you the rest of the house.
Then you can just freshen up and make yourself at home.
That's the kitchen over there. You help yourself to anything you want to eat or drink.
Those are grapes. And back here are the bedrooms.
Let me get you some towels, and I'll see what we can find for you to wear.
You know what? I think I have some of Bill's old clothes in here.
This is perfect.
Here. These should just fit you.
- [ Phone Ringing ] - Oh! Don't be alarmed. That's just the phone.
You can go in Kim's room and put these on. I'll be right with you.
[ Gasps ]
[ Water Sloshing ]
[ Whispering ] No, no, he has scissors. No, scissors. That's right.
Well, he... he was born up there or something.
[ Woman ] Have you ever seen him before?
No, I don't think he's been off the grounds before today.
How did you ever get together with him?
Listen, I have to go now. I'll talk to you later, Marge. Bye-bye.
[ Phone Rings ]
Sorry, Edward, I...
Oh, dear. May I help you with this?
Thank you.
There you go.
Oh, dear, you've cut your face. Let me just get this off.
- Does that hurt? - No.
No? Good. Okay. Now let's get you dressed.
Okay.
There we go. Very fine.
You look fine. Just fine.
Oh.
Come on! We can't wait for you!
- You've got rollers in your damn hair. - Damn!
[ Chattering ]
Okay.
Now, what did I do with my sci...
Edward, um, would you?
Thank you.
You know, I have a doctor friend who I think could help you.
- Really? - Yes.
Now, I can help with the scars.
But I just wanna consult the big Avon handbook before doing anything.
[ Agitated Chattering ]
Bye!
[ Whispers ] Kevin.
Kevin, it's not polite to stare, dear.
Kevin, think how it would make you feel if somebody were staring at you.
- I wouldn't care. - Well, I would! So don't do it!
Well, this must be quite a change for you. Right, Ed?
- Edward, dear. I think he prefers Edward. - Ah. Sure.
So, what have you been doing with yourself up there in that big old place?
I bet, uh... I bet the view must be spectacular. Huh, Ed?
- Edward. - Yes?
Mmm. No, I-I was just...
- See all the way to the ocean, I bet, huh? - Sometimes.
Bill, could I have the salt and pepper, please?
Bill, could I have the salt and pepper, please? Thank you.
Kevin.
Man, those things are cool. I bet they're razor-sharp.
- One karate chop to a guy's neck... - Kevin.
Edward, would you like some butter for your bread?
Great!
Thank you.
Hey, can I bring him to show-and-tell on Monday?
Kevin, I've had enough.
You think you can sleep?
I know things feel a little strange now, but soon you'll feel right at home.
- Good night. - Good night.
[ Water Sloshing ]
The light concealing cream goes on first.
Then you blend and blend and blend. Blending is the secret.
Mm-hmm.
More concealing cream.
Your complexion is so fair.
Now, this has a touch of lavender in it.
Give it a try here. Close enough.
Okay, this should do the trick here.
Hmm.
I have another idea.
We'll cover up the scars and start with a completely smooth surface.
Darn this stuff!
[ Radio: Announcer ] Hartley into the windup. And the strike-one pitch.
Swung on and missed. Strike two.
Missed a hit. The club has 12 hits.
But they still have 11 on the scoreboard, and it's 3-1.
0 and 2, the count to Warren.
[ Radio: Fans Cheering ]
[ Announcer ] Now they change it to 12 hits.
Turn it up, Kevin. I can't hear it.
- [ Radio: Volume Increases, Fans Cheering ] - Kevin?
[Announcer] Hartley's strike-two pitch... is hammered!
- Did you hear that, Mr. Boggs? - No! Make it louder!
[ Announcer ] It's gone! It's out of here! It's history!
[ Radio: Cheering Continues ]
- Dad. Look! - A grand slam for Martinez...
to make it a five-run inning and blow this game to pieces.
- I'll be darned. - [ Radio: Cheering Continues ]
[ Click, Tape Rewinding ]
- [ Rewinding Continues ] - They filled the whole tape.
- What's going on over there? Call me. - [ Line Clicks, Beeps ]
Hi, it's Marge. Who is he? Call me.
Oh, by the way, I hear it's pouring rain in the mountains. You think the kids are okay?
- [ Line Clicks, Beeps ] - [ Joyce ] Hey there, darlin'!
The gals are all in a tizzy about your secret visitor.
You can't keep him a secret forever.
- [ Line Clicks, Beeps ] - [ Chuckles ]
[ TV: Bowling Pins Falling, Applause ]
[ TV: Announcer] Peyton, with a career-high average of 213...
Well, it's just wonderful, Ed.
My God, you have the whole family in there, don't ya?
[ TV: Announcer Continues ]
Edward, come here.
[ Announcer ] How about a strike?
- Here it is. - [ Pins Falling ]
No, no, no! That's a terrible idea, son!
Go and get the oil can. We don't want him rusting up on us, do we?
[ TV: Pins Falling ]
Oh, Edward! You did us?
- Oh, Bill, it's us! - Yes, it is.
Oh, Edward!
It's not heaven he's from.
It's straight from the stinking flames of hell.
The power of Satan is in him. I can feel it. Can't you?
- Have you poor sheep strayed so far from the path? - We're not sheep.
Don't come near me.
- That's right, go on. Get out of here. Run. - [ Doorbell Rings ]
Edward, don't you listen to her.
Don't worry about her, Edward. She's just an old loony, that's all.
- [ Women ] Hi! - You all are hidin' in there like a bunch of hermit crabs.
- Hi, Joyce. Hi! - Shame on you, keeping your unusual guest all to yourself.
We think that's mighty selfish of you.
- Things have been hectic. - That is so sweet of you to want to correct the situation.
- What time does the barbecue begin? - Barbecue?
You intend to show your guest hospitality by introducing him to your friends, don't you?
- I'll bring coleslaw. - I'll bring dessert!
And I will bring the ambrosia salad.
- What time was it that you said? - What time? Uh, Bill...
- About 5:00? - [ Chattering Affirmations ]
- Bill! - He has been sent first to tempt you.
But it's not too late.
You must push him from you, expel him, trample down the perversion of nature.
[ Chuckling ] Oh, did you hear that? He's a perversion of nature.
Why, isn't that excitin'?
[ Women Giggling, Laughing ]
- See ya later. - Bye!
[ Chattering, Giggling ]
Bill! Bill?
I've always said you can't have a picnic or a barbecue without deviled eggs.
They're just the best. They make a thing.
Oh, dear! Edward! That's wonderful!
I didn't know you chopped the whole thing, but we'll have a really big...
Oh. All right, now. Just a nick.
There's no need to be nervous, dear.
Esmeralda won't be here...
and the rest of the neighbors, they're really very nice.
There's no need to be nervous. They're so eager to meet you. You just have to be yourself.
- Myself? - That's right. Just your own sweet self.
[ Motor Whirring ]
♪♪ [ Hawaiian ]
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
Thanks, Edward.
- Play "Scissors, Paper, Stones" with us. - Play Scissors-what?
I got a doctor friend of mine might be able to help you.
- It looks incredible. - And he did it just like that!
That's really incredible!
[ Laughing ] Hi, Mike! How you do...
Hello, Jack. Hey, kids! [ Laughs ]
Hey! Hi! George Monroe... Whoa! That's a heck of a handshake you got there, Ed.
Harry! Harry! I saw you on the golf course last week!
I love 'em. We got a dozen of the melon and a dozen of the pineapple.
Are you okay? Do you want something to eat? Are you hungry? Yeah?
- [ Peg ] You want a cracker? - He's so different.
- Completely different. - No kidding.
- He's so... - Mysterious. - Yeah.
- Do you imagine those hands are hot or cold? - [ Snickers ]
And just think what a single snip could do.
- Or undo. - [ All Laughing ]
- Eddie. Eddie. - Oh!
The guys and I were talkin'. We'd like to invite you to our card game Friday night.
Would you like that? Only thing is, you can't cut!
[ Men Laughing ]
♪♪ [ Hawaiian Continues ]
I have my own infirmity.
Never did me a bit of harm.
Took some shrapnel during the war...
and ever since then I can't feel a thing... not a damn thing!
Don't you ever let anybody tell you you have a handicap.
Who's handicapped? My goodness! [ Laughs ]
Don't be ridiculous. You're not handicapped. You're...
What do they call that?
Exceptional. [ Giggles ]
My name's Joyce, and I noticed that you have not tasted...
any of the ambrosia salad that I made especially for you.
Allow me.
Mmm! Mmm!
- You must try this. It's my mother's recipe. - [ All Chattering ]
Let him chew, for heaven's sake!
I've never seen a green thumb like yours. I sure could use your help at my place.
- I want a row of angels. - [ Chattering Continues ]
I am so sorry, ladies, but he's promised to come to my house first.
- Haven't you, Eddie? - Mm-hmm.
Okay, everybody, grab your plates! Soup's on!
- [ Muffled ] I thought this was shish kebab. - What?
- I thought this was shish kebab. - Yeah, it is.
It was a figure of speech. You gotta learn not to take things so literally.
[ Man ] "Let us pretend that we are in the drawing room and the hostess is serving tea.
"Now many, numerous little questions confront us.
"Should the man rise when he accepts his cup of tea?
May lump sugar be taken with the fingers?" Mmm, no.
"Is it good form to accept a second cup?
"Now, should the napkin be entirely unfolded...
"or should the center crease be allowed to remain?
"It is so easy to commit embarrassing blunders...
"but etiquette tells us just what is expected of us...
and guards us from all humiliation and discomfort."
[ Chuckles ]
Mmm, yes. Boring.
Let us switch to, um...
to some poetry, hmm?
"There was an old man from the cape...
"who made himself garments of crepe.
"When asked, 'Will they tear?' he replied, 'Here and there!
But they keep such a beautiful shape!"' [ Chuckles ]
That's right. Go ahead. Smile. It's funny.
[ Chuckles ] That's right.
[ Engine Stops ]
- Okay, you guys, we're home. - [ Can Clatters ]
- Shh! - I can't believe everything's still sopping.
I can hardly wait to take a shower and wash off the mildew.
- Or to sleep in a bed. - If my parents have the alarm set, I'm screwed.
- I'll have to sleep in the yard again. - I told you to call them.
- That's right. But did you? - Nope. He'd rather complain.
How else am I supposed to be the center of attention, huh? You didn't call your parents.
They don't run their house like a police state. Bye, you guys.
- Okay. See you later. - Bye.
- Bye. Don't forget your arm.
- Oh, yeah. - Come on, Jim, let's go.
♪♪ [ Humming ]
♪♪ [ Continues ]
[ Screaming ]
There's somebody in my room! Go look!
He's a murderer! He has an ax!
- When did you get home? - He tried to kill me! Go look!
It's all right. It's all right. Go back to bed.
[ Screaming ] There he is! Oh, my God!
- That's our Edward! - Who is he?
- That's Edward... - Edward? What are you talking about?
Edward's come to live with us. There is nothing to be upset about.
- Mom, he had an ax! - No, no. It's okay.
Okay, we'll have you set up here in a minute.
We got a full queen-size bed here.
It's all made and everything. Good. There you go.
What's the matter? What's wrong?
[ Laughs ] She get you nervous?
You've been cloistered away up in that castle too long.
You don't know anything about the wonderful world of teenage girls.
They're all crazy.
- Here. This will straighten you right out. - What is it?
Lemonade.
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
I don't know what it is.
They reach a certain age...
they develop these gland things, their bodies swell up.
They go crazy.
Glands?
Yeah, glands.
- I try not to think about it. - [ Slurping ]
[ Swallows ]
[ Guttural Gasping ]
Good, isn't it?
Now, you stay in Kevin's room tonight.
Tomorrow, we'll fix your room right up.
- Why did you bring him here? - I couldn't have left him up there all alone.
- You would've done the same thing. - Why does he have to stay here?
Oh, my goodness, Kim. I'm surprised at you. He can't help the way he is.
- Have a little sympathy. - I do have sympathy.
Then let's say hello to him. Just come downstairs, shake the man's hand...
- Shake his hand? - Well, not literally.
- Goodness, you scared him half to death. - I scared him to death?
Hi, Bill.
I just wanted you two to have a proper introduction.
Edward, this is our daughter, Kim.
Kim, this is Edward, who's gonna live with us.
[ Groans ]
Hi.
[ Groaning ]
[ Both Scream ]
♪♪ [ Pop ]
♪♪ [ Man Singing ]
Eddie! Thirsty?
- [ Barking ] - [ Whispers ] Kisses! Hush up!
- Shh! Quiet now! - ♪♪ [ Continues ]
Darlin', I can hardly hear myself think!
Ah, mama's precious little baby girl.
- [ Kicks Dog ] - [ Yelps ]
[ Sighs ] Wouldn't you like a nice, cool glass of lemonade?
Lemonade?
[ Vomits ]
[ School Bell Rings ]
One chop to a guy's neck, and it's all over.
- [ All Gasp ] - They're the sharpest things in the world.
They can hack through anything, and...
[ Cheering ]
[ Kim ] I think they look weird. They give me the creeps.
- You should see the clown in front of Miss Peters's yard. - Kim!
- Oh, no. - That's him?
- He's callin' you, Kimba. - Stop it.
[ Marge ] Edward, you forgot your cookies.
- Don't worry, Eddie. She's waiting for you. - [ Giggling ]
[ Peg ] Bill, Edward was telling me he had lunch at Jackie's today.
- She just had her kitchen completely redone. - I'll be darned!
New paint, new cabinets, new floors, a new microwave, new silent dishwasher...
- Isn't that wonderful! - Isn't that something?
Jim, didn't you tell me your mom had her kitchen done too?
- Yeah. My dad bought himself a bunch of new toys. - Really?
Big-screen TV, CD players, VCR with four heads.
My goodness sake!
- I wonder what it's like to be that rich. - They keep things locked up.
My father has his own room for his stuff to make sure I can't get any use of it.
He's so cheap, he won't even help me buy an old car.
He probably wants you to pay for it yourself. I agree with him.
Builds character. You'll appreciate it more.
Dad.
Speaking of money, I understand you're not charging for your gardening, Edward.
Now, Bill, Marge made him cookies today.
Sweetheart...
you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies.
You can't buy a car with cookies. Am I right, Jim?
That's true, sir. You can't.
I-I can't eat that. He used his hands.
I don't think it's sanitary.
I'm sorry.
[ Snickers ]
[ Peg ] Honey, you want me to help you clean that up?
No, that's okay. I'll be right back.
[ Dog Barks ]
Alexis? Oh, this can't possibly be my Alexis!
She looks so beautiful! Look at you!
[ Giggling ] Sweetie!
Thank you.
It won't be long. She just has to decide on the style.
And then it'll be fine.
[ Chattering ]
She just has to decide what style she wants.
I was hoping for somethin' big and kinda bouffant, you know. Kinda like mine. [ Chuckles ]
Don't you worry, Kisses. You're gonna be just fine. You're gonna be so pretty.
Yes, you are. Oh! Oh, my. [ Sighs ]
Ohh! [ Chuckles ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Sighs ]
Oh, Eddie, is there anything you can't do?
You've taken my very breath away.
I swear! Look at this!
Have you ever cut a woman's hair? Would you cut mine?
[ Sighs ]
[ Sighing, Moaning ]
That was the single most thrillin' experience of my whole life.
They're getting the head of the company!
- [ Kim ] I'm home! - Hi, honey! We're in here!
- Hi... - Hi!
- What did you do to your hair? - Edward cut it. Isn't it wild?
- [ Woman ] Is this Peg Boggs? - Hello? Oh, I can't believe I'm talking to you in person.
- This is such an honor. - Well, thank you.
Yes. Yes, he's right here.
- Great. So then you know all about him? Uh-huh. - [ Woman Continues, Faint ]
Well, that's exactly what I've been using.
Well, I've had a little trouble getting it the right consistency.
- Well, just a little. - Add 21 Red.
- I'll try that. Uh-huh. - And then a dash of 418.
Well, what imaginative suggestions.
I sure will. Thank you so much.
- Bye-bye. - Bye-bye.
No wonder she's the head of the company.
She started out as a sales representative just like me.
I've always wanted to talk to her, but until now I never had a reason. Thanks, Edward.
- She had some ideas? - You bet she did.
- Uh-huh. - Mm-hmm.
I'll get that.
Edward. We're here.
Come on. Let's get you sharpened up.
- You got it? - No. I can't believe this. This is such a drag.
Hi!
- Bye-bye. - Bye-bye.
- Do you have a key? - No.
- I could've sworn I put it here somewhere. - Well, we're stranded.
Wow! Thanks!
Ed! What a guy. Good job.
You didn't break it or scratch it or anything.
Be a pal and yell when Peg pulls in.
- [ Applauding ] - [ Host ] Quite a story, yes?
Any questions for Edward?
Yeah. Get way over.
- Stand right up. - What's been the best part of your new life here in town?
The friends I've made.
- [ Applause ] - Any other questions?
Have you ever thought of having corrective surgery or prosthetics?
- I know a doctor that might be able to help you. - I'd like to meet him.
We'll give that name after the show. Thank you. That's nice.
Anyone else? Yes. Stand right up.
- But if you had regular hands you'd be like everyone else. - Yes, I know.
- I think he'd like that. - But then no one would think you were special.
You wouldn't be on TV or anything.
No matter what, Edward will always be special.
[ Applause ]
More questions? Yes. Stand right up.
Your work is so interesting, distinctive and unique.
- Do you have any plans to open your own beauty salon? - [ Host ] Oh, there's an idea!
[ Applause ]
Anyone else? Uh, yeah. Stand right up.
- Do you have a girlfriend? - Aww! [ Chuckles ]
[ Applause ]
- Sure he does. Right, Kim? - Right, Kim?
- Great. Now you got him started. - Knock it off, bubble-butt.
- You did it. - So?
How about it, Edward? Is there some special lady in your life?
Ooh.
- [ Studio Audience Screaming ] - [ Kevin, Jim Laughing ]
- [ Audience Murmuring ] - Uh, everything's all right.
We'll take a break and be right back after these messages.
- ♪♪ [ TV: Theme ] - Why are you laughing? He got hurt!
- Just a little shock. What do you care? - "A little shock"?
I wish we'd been taping that.
I'd give my left nut to see that again.
Aren't you excited? Oh, this is just so thrilling.
Wait, I'll show it to you. It's just perfect. It's just what we've been looking for.
I want to call it Shear Heaven. [ Laughing ]
Oh! And here we are!
Now, all along here, I'm gonna put a row of new mirrors.
And back along here, well, I think...
Eddie. Come along, darling.
Back up here, a whole row of new cosmetics.
And all along this row here...
- [ Sighs, Chuckling ] - Peg could sell cosmetics.
Yeah. Sure. And this, of course, is where we wash the hair.
And here is where I stand when I greet the customers.
But back in here is what I really want to show you...
[ Sighs ] Eddie.
This is what I really want to show you.
Now, this is the storeroom where we keep everything.
What I need from you today is a decision I need you to help me make.
- Oh, honey, no! Don't. That's dangerous. - [ Electricity Humming ]
Now, you just sit right down there.
I have some smocks. Would you like me to model them for you?
Yes.
♪♪ [ Romantic ]
♪♪ [ Man Singing ]
Now, this is my favorite...
because it's yellow... [ Chuckles ]
And what it's for...
is to catch those itchy little trimmings that fall down in your neck.
[ Giggling ]
And then there's this old purple one, you know...
you just kind of drape around you like this.
♪♪ [ Continues ]
- I like that one. - [ Giggles ] Oh, Eddie.
Why, Eddie, you're trembling.
So am I.
I have been waiting for this moment for so long.
♪♪ [ Continues ]
[ Screams ]
Edward!
Edward, you come back here! You can't do that!
[ Chattering ]
Velcro, sweetheart. Velcro, and it hangs on the dashboard.
- I've never seen that. - Sorry I'm late.
Hi, Edward. Sorry, dear. We had to order without you. Here you go.
So, Edward, did you have a productive day?
Mrs. Monroe showed me where the salon's going to be.
- You could have a cosmetics counter. - Wouldn't that be great?
Great.
And then she showed me the backroom, where she took all of her clothes off.
Edward, I can't tell you how thrilled I am. I'm just as pleased as punch.
This whole beauty parlor venture's gonna teach you volumes.
There's nothing like running your own business.
I've never done it myself, but from what I gather...
it's the greatest satisfaction a working man can have.
So I guess the bank's gonna be your next step, huh?
- The bank? - Yeah, take out a loan, get yourself started.
Nothing to worry about.
With your talent and reputation, it's gonna be a snap.
Yeah.
[ Man ] No credit. No record of jobs you've held.
No savings. No personal investments.
No Social Security number. You may as well not even exist.
There is no collateral.
No, we already have a second on the house.
But don't the testimonials make a difference?
Did you see here? The mayor's wife can't wait to become a client.
We simply can't do it.
Now, get yourself a Social Security card, establish credit...
and buy yourself a car.
You have a decided advantage. You can get one of those handicapped placards.
No problem. Park anywhere you like.
I can't believe it. It's just an outrage.
But don't you worry. This isn't the end of it.
We'll get your money somehow.
[ Kim ] But that's breaking and entering.
My parents have insurance up the rear. What'll it cost them? A little hassle?
- A week, and my dad will have a new and better everything. - We can't.
- Look, there's a guy who'll give us cash for this stuff. - Jim, I don't want to.
You don't want us to have our own van like Denny's where we can be by ourselves?
- With a mattress in the back? - Why can't you just do it?
My father keeps the damn room locked. We need Edward to get us in.
Can't you take the key, like, when he's sleeping or something?
The only thing he hangs onto tighter is his dick.
Come on, Kim. Razor blades will do anything for you.
- What do you mean? That's not true. - No? Why don't you ask him?
- That's not fair. - What's fair got to do with it? There isn't any other way.
There's gotta be.
Look, I've wracked my brain. Don't you want us to have our own van?
Yeah.
[ Kim ] Jim, the lights are on.
No. Those go on automatically. They're gone for the weekend. I told you.
- That's right. In case of burglars. - You turned off the alarm?
What do you think? Come on. Let's go.
I hate this. I can't believe this is happening.
- Are you sure he doesn't know this is Jim's house? - He's never been here.
- This person stole from you? - Shh! Keep your voice down.
I told you, he stole. Come on. Let's go.
Tell his parents, and they'll make him give it back.
Shh. I already tried, but the guy's parents are like he is.
You told Kim you'd do this. Come on. Let's go. Come on. Come on!
Come on.
Okay. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on! Come on! Oh, my God. Come on.
[ Alarm Blaring ]
The bastard had it wired separately. Come on!
- No, Jim! We can't just leave him here! - Come on!
[Alarm Continues ]
Come on! Come on! Keep moving!
- Come on. - I can't do this!
- Come on, Kim. - Stop!
Put me down!
[ Scissors Sliding Over Doorknob ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
[Alarm Continues ]
[ Sirens Wailing ]
We know you're in there.
We're in the process of deactivating the system so that you can come out.
[ Alarm Stops ]
- Denny, turn around! - No way.
Jim, it's your house. They can't arrest you for setting off the alarm.
- We'll just... We'll tell 'em we freaked and ran! - We're not going back there.
- We have to go back! - No, because my father would prosecute!
- His own son? - Especially his own son! If Edward tells, I'll kill him!
- Denny, turn around! - No!
- Turn around! You have to! - No!
We want your hands high in the air where we can see them.
Your hands up!
He's got something in his hands... looks like knives.
Drop your weapons!
I repeat... drop your weapons!
I'm gonna ask you one more time. This is your last warning.
Drop your weapons.
If you fail to do so, we'll have to open fire.
Don't make us do that, buddy! Drop your weapons!
Drop them now!
Looks like we got a psycho. Prepare to fire!
- No, no, no! - Get back!
Those are his hands! Those aren't weapons! Those are his hands!
Please, we know him.
All right. Cuff him.
- But we can see him now? - You can see him now.
- We're gonna have to hold him overnight for observation. - He has to stay all night?
- You can pick him up in the morning. - Oh, dear.
Oh, Edward.
Hello, Edward. Oh, Edward, dear. I blame myself.
[ Bill ] What in God's name was going through your mind, son?
[ Peg ] Why didn't I set a better example?
You saw how I envied Jim's parents their money.
What were you gonna do with that stuff once you had it?
I blithely say, "Oh, we'll get money for the salon somehow."
But I never meant stealing.
Dear, stealing's not the way to get it.
Stealing's not the way to get anything.
[ Bill ] Except trouble, and you're in a serious heap of that.
Oh, Edward, why ever did you do this?
- Damn those TV programs. - Damn them all to hell.
Or did somebody put you up to this?
Will he be okay, Doc?
The years spent in isolation have not equipped him...
with the tools necessary to judge right from wrong.
He's had no context. He's been completely without guidance.
Furthermore, his work... the garden sculptures, hairstyles and so forth...
indicate that he's a highly imaginative, uh, character.
It seems clear that his awareness of what we call "reality"...
is radically underdeveloped.
But will he be all right out there?
Oh, yeah, he'll be fine.
Listen, it could keep me up all night worrying about you.
You watch yourself, you hear?
[ Snipping ]
I just happened to be up, so I heard all this noise and I ran out.
All along, I felt in my gut there was something wrong with him.
It could have been my house.
- It could have been any of our houses, but... - I warned you, didn't I?
I saw the sign of Satan on him.
You didn't heed my warning, but now you will...
because now you can see it too.
Edward, just stay right here.
- What do you have to say in your defense? - Nothing.
- He doesn't want to talk right now. - You have to say something.
- What? - No, h-he can't talk right now.
- He can't talk. - No comments? No remarks?
So, were you set up? What was going through your mind?
- We have to get in the house! - What do you have to say for yourself?
- He'll talk to you later. - One comment. Just one comment.
Oh, for goodness sakes, Lois.
I'm gonna see you at our Christmas party before I get you here for your haircut.
Of course we're gonna have it this year. We have it every year.
- Why wouldn't we have it this year? - [ Lois Talking, Indistinct ]
Well, you may think that, but you're wrong.
You're here.
They didn't hurt you, did they?
Were you scared?
I tried to make Jim go back...
but you can't make Jim do anything.
Thank you for not telling them that we...
You're welcome.
It must have been awful when they told you whose house it was.
I knew it was Jim's house.
You did?
Yes.
Well, then why'd you do it?
Because you asked me to.
[Jim ] Kimba! Kimmy!
[ Whistling ] Hey!
- Don't! - What's the matter with you?
When are you gonna stop? I did what I could.
My old man thinks he's retarded. Otherwise he'd still be in jail. What more do you want from me?
- You could tell the truth. - So could you! You were there too.
- It wasn't my idea. You know I didn't want to do it. - But you did do it.
- [ Sighs ] - I don't get why you give such a shit anyway.
[ Glass Shattering ]
[ Bill ] We're gonna try and help you find a way to replace the drapes and the towels...
but our confidence in you, Edward, is not gonna be so easy to replace.
[ Kim ] Dad.
Okay. A little ethics.
You're walking down the street, find a suitcase full of money. There's nobody around.
No human person is in evidence. What do you do?
"A": you keep the money.
"B": you use it to buy gifts for your friends and your loved ones.
"C": you give it to the poor.
"D": you turn it in to the police.
- Dad, this is really stupid. - Kim!
- I'd keep the money. - Simmer down.
Edward?
Hey, how 'bout after dinner we go down to the bowling alley? That would be fun.
- You're not seeing Jim tonight? - No.
You know, we had the coolest show-and-tell today.
This kid brought in a box of baby possums... 10, maybe 12...
totally naked, no hair at all.
Honey, this is fascinating, but I don't think your father's finished yet.
Thank you, dear. Edward, we're waiting.
Give it to my loved ones?
Oh, Edward, it does seem that that's what you should do...
but it's not.
You dope! Everybody knows you're supposed to give it to the police.
Good thinking, Kevin.
Well, think about it, you guys.
I mean, that's the nicer thing to do. That's what I would do.
We're not trying to confuse him. We're trying to make things a bit easier for him.
So let's cut the comedy for a little while.
I am being serious, Dad. It's a much nicer thing to do.
Well, we're not talking nice. We're talking right and wrong.
- Shut up! - Oh, goodness sake.
No wonder poor Edward can't learn right from wrong...
living in this family!
Well, did you hear what he did to Peg's curtains?
It's unbelievable that they're having their Christmas party anyway.
- Are you going? - I don't think so.
He practically raped Joyce, you know, threatening her with those knives of his.
It's a miracle she escaped.
Oh, I don't have anything against Bill and Peg, but...
I know, I know. And they've got that teenaged daughter in the house.
Oh, those poor things. After what happened to me. Can you imagine?
What did you say to Peg about the Christmas party?
- I said I hoped we could make it. - I lied too.
Edward? You want to give me that new haircut?
- Again? - Yeah. Sure.
It makes me proud to have you as my own personal hairdresser.
- Hi, honey. - Oh, hi.
- Kevin, you wanna play "Scissors, paper, stone"? - No.
- Why? - It's boring. I'm tired of always winning.
- Other people's feelings... A few manners! - I'll be outside.
Just never you mind, dear.
Just... You cut away. Cut away.
♪♪ [ Singing ]
[ Stapling ]
♪♪ [ Singing Continues ]
♪♪ [ Humming ]
It needs something... else. What do you think, honey?
- More bells? - More bells. Okay.
Mom, do you really think we should be having this party?
Of course I think we should be having this party. Of course I do.
It's just what we need just to calm things down.
And everything will just go back to normal. Hmm?
Do you have any more bells, honey?
- Hey! - [ Gasps ]
Now you've done it.
It's just a scratch, Jim. Really, it's okay.
Stay back! Touch her again, and I'll kill you.
- It's no big deal. - Call a doctor. He skewered Kim.
- No! He didn't skewer me. - Stay away from her, okay? I mean it.
You can't touch anything without destroying it.
Who the hell do you think you are, hanging around?
I want you to sit right down and wait for me to bring you some ice.
Stay right there. I'll be right back.
♪♪ [ Continues ]
Get the hell out of here!
Get the hell out! Go! Freak!
Hey, Edward! Where you goin'?
- Where is he? - He tried to hurt you.
- No, he did not, and you know it. - Are you nuts?
- I just saw him! - Jim, I don't love you anymore.
I just want you to go! Okay? Just go!
Are you serious?
I'm gonna lose you to that? He isn't even human.
Just get out of here! Okay? Just go!
Dad, did you see where Edward went?
Oh, I don't know. He just waltzed down the street.
- We have to go find him, Mom. - Your father will find him.
Go on in the house. I'll take care of it. I'll go find him.
♪♪ [ Whistling ]
Oh! Edward! I'm calling the police!
♪♪ [ Hymn, Rhythmic Beat ]
[ Rustling ]
[ Snipping ]
[ Screams ]
- All that blood, sweetie, and it was just a little cut. - [ Doorbell Rings ]
Oh.
Hello, Mrs. Boggs. I'm here to see the man with the hands.
Oh. Uh...
He's not here. Thank you.
Oh, dear.
- Helen. Helen, did you actually see him? - Yes! Look!
- [ Excited Chattering ] - Don't start, everyone!
I'm looking for the man with the scissors.
- Thank God you're here. - He went right down there that way.
All right. Calm down. Calm down. Go on home. We'll handle it.
Just go home.
- He's a demon. A demon. - You've gotta catch him.
- You've gotta do something! - I think he's at my house.
I'm sure your father will find him soon.
What time is it?
It's almost 8:30. Great party, huh?
Where are they?
[ Sighs ] God, I hope he's okay.
So do I, honey.
You know, when I brought Edward down here to live with us...
I really didn't think things through.
And I didn't think about what could happen to him...
or to us...
or to the neighborhood.
And now I think that maybe...
it might be best if he goes...
back up there.
Because at least there, he's safe.
And we'd just go back to normal.
Well, I got halfway to the Whitmans'. I didn't see him anywhere.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Well, let's get in the car and go look for him.
- Where's Kevin now? - He's at Max's.
Oh, for God's sakes. Where do you think you're going, young lady?
- With you guys. - No, you're staying here in case somebody shows up.
We'll be right back, dear.
Police.
Edward?
Are you okay?
Yes. Are you okay?
Where is everybody?
Out looking for you.
Hold me.
I can't.
I know it's a little early for Christmas, Edward...
but, uh...
I have a present for you.
Forget holding her hand. Picture the damage he could do other places.
[ Chuckles ] Yeah. That's sick.
[ Groans ] I feel like I'm gonna pass out or puke or something.
Later. First take me to her house.
- Oh, come on, Jim. Don't make me drive. - Just do it!
Jesus. Maybe she was right about you.
- Just drive! - Relax!
- See you tomorrow. Call me. - All right.
Have they caught him yet?
- Who? - Him... that cripple.
Yeah. Let me know when they do.
Let us all know, okay?
Like a good boy.
Kevin.
- [ Grunts ] - Are you okay? Oh! It's okay.
- [ Tires Screech ] - [ Kevin ] Ow! Ow! Ow!
Edward, stop. Stop.
- Don't! Stop! - Edward, stop!
[ Helen ] Somebody help us!
- Help! - What are you doing? Get away from him! Ow!
[ All Shouting ]
Somebody call the police!
- Let go of me! - Why?
Kevin!
- Hey! Get off of him! - Kevin!
[ Woman Squeals ]
- Get away! - Edward, come home. Come home.
[ Screams ]
[ Screaming ]
Stop it! Stop!
[ Gasping ]
[ Siren Wailing ]
Run.
[ Siren Continues ]
Kevin's all right! It was just the tiniest scratch.
And he's gone. Let's not bother him. All right?
- Let's just leave him alone. - [ Chattering ]
[ Gunshots ]
Go on, run.
[ Police Radio Chatter]
- What happened? - Okay, is he dead?
- Did you get him? - It's all over. Go on home. There's nothing more to see.
- What happened out there? - I don't want to go home!
I want to know. I want some answers from you.
It is all over.
[ Helen ] Where is he? Where is he?
Get back here! I want to ask you something!
Hey, I want to ask you.
- Did you see... - Look at that.
- There's nobody in that car. - They don't have him.
- What are we gonna do? - I'm going.
- No. Careful. - That's not a good idea.
They're coming?
Did I hurt Kevin?
No. He's okay. Mostly he was just scared.
Edward, I was so afraid.
I thought you were dead.
I didn't.
No!
No! Jim!
Stop! No!
No!
Stop it or I'll kill you myself.
- Bullshit! - [ Screams ]
Hey! I said stay away from her!
[ Crowd Shouting ]
Good-bye.
[ Sobs ] I love you.
[ Screaming ]
[ Man ] Is he in there?
He's dead.
The roof caved in on him.
They killed each other.
You can see for yourselves.
See?
I'm going home.
Good night.
She never saw him again.
Not after that night.
How do you know?
Because I was there.
You could have gone up there. You still could go.
No, sweetheart.
I'm an old woman now.
I would rather he remember me the way I was.
How do you know he's still alive?
I... don't know, not for sure.
But... I believe he is.
You see...
before he came down here...
it never snowed.
And afterwards...
it did.
If he weren't up there now...
I don't think it would be snowing.
Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it.